Look to Your Left, Look to Your Right
Who's around you? It may matter more than almost anything
“Just as people influenced you and played an important role in your life, so you are influencing others and playing an important role in their lives. There is a reciprocal influence, a network of interlocked novels.” - Joseph Campbell
“Relationships consistently invite us to revisit, reimagine, and redefine who we are and what we value…” - Jennifer Wines
“We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much! I miss being with you. I miss being *near* you. I miss your laugh! I miss your scent. I miss your musk.” - Champ Kind
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This post was initially seeded years ago by one of the many engaging chats I had with the founder and former Chairman/CEO of Celadon Trucking, Steve Russell. Steve always liked to have good conversations, and he was curious about many things. One of his pieces of life advice was that you should strive to, “be happy to go to work in the morning and happy to come home in the evening.” He was essentially saying to love your job/vocation and your spouse/home life - how you spend your days and how you spend your nights; two very important decisions that will significantly impact your quality of life. Steve was madly in love with his latest wife and still loved showing up at the company he built every day until he passed back in 2016.
Although several decades my senior, he once asked me for similar advice. “What do you think is most important?”
“Keep a good circle,” I offered.
This idea had become clear enough by my 30’s to articulate, and I was confident enough to offer it to Steve (or anyone who asked). Now in my 40’s, I see this as absolutely critical to personal development and to expanding into your potential.
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So, why are those around you so important?
Your environment shapes you. We are social creatures, and people are a big part of our daily experience of the world, so it just makes sense that they have an impact.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” - Jim Rohn
Another phrasing of the above is “you’re the average of your five closest friends.” These are similar statements - both important - but not the same. Even if five is not the right number, this is directionally correct. And you should choose both - a) those you spend the most time with, and b) your friends.
Does this mean that a small friend circle is optimal? Not necessarily. It can be small, medium, or large - it just depends on the person; quality is what’s important. Pay the most attention to who’s in the inner circle, because the time you spend with them will also impact how you spend your time when alone. You’ll have many circles - different people with different levels of influence, like the concentric circles on a dart board (the closer to the center, the smaller the circle and higher the value).
In his book, Outwitting the Devil, Napoleon Hill drives home (quotes below) the point that those around you are critical for success in several passages.
“What is the most important part of one’s environment, the part which determines, more than all others, whether an individual makes positive or negative use of his mind? The most important part of one’s environment is that created by his association with others. All people absorb and take over, consciously or unconsciously, the thought-habits of those with whom they associate closely.”
“The law of hypnotic rhythm forces every human being to form thought-habits which harmonize with the dominating influences of his environment, particularly that part of his environment created by his association with other minds.”
“Nothing contributes more to one’s success and happiness than carefully chosen associates. Caution in the selection of associates becomes, therefore, the duty of every person who wishes to become happy and successful. One’s intimate associates should be chosen with as much care as one chooses the food with which he feeds his body, with the object always of associating with people whose dominating thoughts are positive, friendly, and harmonious.”
Repeated thoughts, repeated actions, repeated stories - that’s influence. You tend to hear the same things, have the same experiences, and act the same way as those you’re around day after day, week after week. These habits, routines, and thoughts become your normal groove, a rhythm you fall into, even if you don’t realize it. And according to Hill, “hypnotic rhythm” is a law, so make it work for you.
"When you choose your friends today, you are choosing your habits tomorrow." - James Clear
We see this every day in our routines, like exercise. You get into a rhythm of going to the gym (or jiu-jitsu, or yoga, or hip-hop dance class, or CrossFit, or running) on a consistent schedule. And you feel great. Then you stop going for whatever reason. And you don’t feel as good. But now that’s your new rhythm until you change it. Your friends can have a positive influence (encouraging you) or negative influence (discouraging you). Those who are most likely to change you are those in your circle. The rhythm is gonna get you…one way or another.
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“Make Friends with People Who Want the Best for You.”
That’s rule #3 in Jordan Peterson’s best-seller, “12 Rules for Life”.
“You should choose people who want things to be better, not worse. It’s a good thing, not a selfish thing, to choose people who are good for you. It’s appropriate and praiseworthy to associate with people whose lives would be improved if they saw your life improve.”
In short, someone you listen to - your friend - should also listen to you. And, ideally, you’d be committed to growing together with mutual high standards.
“If you surround yourself with people who support your upward aim, they will not tolerate your cynicism and destructiveness. They will instead encourage you when you do good for yourself and others and punish you carefully when you do not. This will help bolster your resolve to do what you should do…”
And it’s not just who’s around you.
It’s what’s around you. Your environment shapes you. Your home. Your work. Your car. Your clothes. Your dog (or cat). The tech you use (or don’t). The wallpaper on your phone. Same with the literal walls surrounding you. The art/decor in your home is energy you’re interacting with every day (this is very important to me, as I’ve found it quite meaningful). Be intentional. All of these factors influence consciously or subconsciously how you behave and develop.
It’s also what you eat, what you read, what you watch, whom you “follow”, and what you listen to. There are so many voices out there these days - so much noise - it’s critical to have a good filter. Find people who resonate with you, who are easy for you to read.
Your favorite authors can actually be part of your inner circle - the people you spend the most time with. Bruce Lee, Steven Pressfield, Joseph Campbell, Richard Branson, and Tony Robbins, for example, are just some of the people I “hang out with” regularly, even though we’ve never met. My latest addition is Rick Rubin, who wrote my favorite book of 2023, The Creative Act: A Way of Being.
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You are responsible for your circle(s).
Imagine a circle surrounding you. It protects. It insulates.
A circle is a ring of protection. But a circle is also a trap. You want the strength to defend against outside attacks (things you don’t want, things not of your concern, things you don’t need ) but also want to make sure that when you look from the inside out, you like what you see (inside the walls). Your circle is your castle, your moat. Does it reflect you?
You are the bullseye.
Look inside - how are you feeling? If not 100% awesome, there’s likely some mixed signals, some noise around you. Could be in your inner circle or in one of your outer circles. This leads to misalignment and unnecessary difficulties. Look ahead - where do you want to go? Look around - is this the team you want and need? Will they push you forward or hold you back? All important to think about, especially now as we move into a new year.
You want to begin with who you are and where you want to go. And then choose your circles.
Want to be healthier? Fill your fridge and kitchen with quality food (plants and animals, nothing processed or lab-made). Follow health/fitness experts and “influencers” who resonate with you (there is no “one right answer” for everyone, and that’s OK). Get a workout buddy. Arnold Schwarzenegger recently spoke on the Rick Rubin podcast (Tetragrammaton) about how having a gym buddy would push him on days he wasn’t “feeling it” - think we’ve all been there. When we don’t have that outside push, we often fall short of what we could accomplish. That’s why trainers, coaches, classes, and workout partners are so important to helping you achieve your full potential.
Want to be kinder? Hang out with kind people.
Want to be funnier? Hang out with funny people.
Want to be more successful in your career? Find people who are where you want to be and learn from them. Get a mentor. Surround yourself with those who have been there, as “success leaves clues,” and before too long, you’ll be pulled in the right direction.
“Proximity is POWER! … Build your inner circle with people who lift you up, lend you knowledge, and help you learn from your mistakes. The truth is, if you want to GROW, you’ve got to be around people who CHALLENGE you to RAISE YOUR STANDARDS.” - Tony Robbins
It is most likely then that you’ll end up with a diversified circle, because you have many areas of interest, and not everyone is the same or can provide the example or push where you want it. Maybe you have one friend who’s in a successful long-term relationship, one who’s always laughing and doesn’t take life too seriously, one who’s immensely successful in his career, one who’s into health/wellness, one who’s artistic, etc.
Continuous evolution and transformation
In life, we’re always evolving, always adding to our experiences and refining our views and desires. Don’t expect others to remain the same, and you shouldn’t want to remain the same. A better you makes for better others, and helping others get better makes for a better you as well.
In life, there is no clear path, so you want to be able to handle various terrain, and your circle - your team - will help.
Your circle can lift you up or hold you down, back to the earlier comment around rhythm. You’re constantly in a rhythm, whether you like it or not, whether you intentionally chose it or not. So, you want an upward spiral —> a virtuous cycle.
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It’s a team effort.
“We go together like cocaine and waffles.” - Cal Naughton, Jr.
Thank you to my many friends over the years, through my many phases and stages and ups and downs. You’re all greatly appreciated. I’ve done what I’ve done, I am where I am, and I’ll do what I’ll do in collaboration with you. Hope everyone had a restful and rejuvenating holiday season. Let’s rock and roll in 2024!
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Past Posts
Beyond Logistics post #1 re: Trucking 101 —> here
Beyond Logistics post #2 re: Life —> here
Beyond Logistics post #3 re: Pricing —> here
Beyond Logistics post #4 re: Communication —> here
Beyond Logistics post #5 re: Technology —> here
Beyond Logistics post #6 re: 3PL Trends —> here
Beyond Logistics post #7 re: Lessons from Comics —> here
Beyond Logistics post #8 re: Cleaning Up Inside —> here
Beyond Logistics post #9 re: All Bad Things Must End —> here
Beyond Logistics post #10 re: Better Questions —> here
Beyond Logistics post #11 re: 2023 Outlook —> here
Beyond Logistics post #12 re: Anti-Fragile —> here
Beyond Logistics post #13 re: Unions —> here
Beyond Logistics post #14 re: Yellow - The End —> here
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About the author: Dave Ross currently serves as Chief Strategy Officer at Roadrunner. Until its recent sale (12/2023), he also served as Chief Strategy Officer for Ascent. Prior to becoming an industry executive, he was Managing Director and Group Head of Stifel’s Transportation & Logistics Equity Research practice, where he was a top-ranked Wall St. analyst and spent >20 years researching and writing on the freight transportation & logistics industry. Based in Miami, FL, he’s a connector, advisor, author, artist, dog dad, athlete, traveler, investor, board member (CTAOP, Humane Society, and Fountainhead), and more.
** All opinions in this piece are solely those of the author and not intended to represent those of Roadrunner or other affiliated entities.